Don’t tell them you’re pregnant

Here’s the thing.  Once people at work know you’re pregnant they start assuming all kinds of things.  She’ll never come back, she doesn’t care about her career now, whatever whatever.  It doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that you’re going to be pregnant for 9 months — that’s 3/4 of a year.  So, maybe you’re already a few months in… that’s still over HALF a Year!  Do you want to be passed over for promotions, given crappy assignments, and generally ignored for over half a year?  Humm.  Probably not.

When my mom was 8 months pregnant interviewed for a job and didn’t get the job because she was pregnant (she assumes).  When their first choice got fired (drug addiction :/) they unsealed the paperwork.  She showed up as the second choice, so they called her and asked if she was still available then offered her the job. On the first day of work the woman processing her paperwork pointed at the child’s birth date box and asked bewildered, “you have a 6 week old?!”  My mom: Yeah.  My mom is a rock star!  Sadly her second experience with a pregnant job interview didn’t go nearly as well.  When my mom was 6 months pregnant she went to a job interview and somehow managed to hide that she was pregnant.  She got the job and ultimately decided to tell them that she was pregnant.  Her job offer was rescinded.  She could have sued, but made the tough decision not to.  My parents had been trying to get pregnant again for a few years and she didn’t want to spoil such a happy time.

This advice isn’t just for being preggers!
If for any reason you might be leaving your job, but there is a 1% chance you’re staying (aka you haven’t signed the paperwork or your paperwork is contingent on something besides a drug test) don’t tell your employer.  I repeat DO NOT TELL YOUR EMPLOYER.

I know you’re super excited about that amazing opportunity that just came your way, but keep a lid on it… at work.  Tell your friends.  Tell your mom and dad.  Favorite aunt.  Even tell your mentors – with strict instructions to keep mum! Of course, this is assuming that you’ve been able to trust them with covert info in the past.  That’s what your support system is for.  Use it!

Aren’t I screwing over my boss / the company?

That’s one way to think about it.  The other is that you’re making a clean break. Being a professional is about handling tough situations without letting emotions hijack your reactions.  You want to be upbeat and doing your best work all the way to the end.  Being bitter that you are being treated poorly and constantly being teased by your co-workers, “Oh of course you’re dumping that responsibility on my lap… short timer” isn’t the best aid to staying positive.

Also, don’t confuse your good relationship with your boss and co-workers for the company caring about you!  Lets imagine that your company comes onto hard times and the VP tells your boss to fire 5 people from the team.  Is your boss still going to fire you?  Um, yeah.  It’s just business after all.

Someone I know through work got this AMAZING job offer in Brussels.  They’ll send him and his family overseas, it pays well, includes an expense allowance, and fits in with his primary interest.  He’s really excited, takes the job, and signs the offer letter.  Soooooooooooo what the problem here?  His offer letter was contingent on funding from NATO and funding has been delayed.  Ops.  Every week the story is that we’ll let you know by next week.  Yikes.  Dragged on for over 4 months.  Four months of his manager trying to get a date out of him.  Are your really leaving? When will you know?  Etc, etc.

The moral here:
Until you are 150% sure you’re going (signed the papers – watch those contingencies, are hitting your workplace’s HR notification deadline, packed your boxes to move, whatever…) don’t tell your employer!

I’ve heard lots of awesome and sad stories relating to this… please share yours in the comments.