90 years ago today women got the vote!!
90 years ago feminists were focused on getting to a place where women were equal on paper. Today we face very different challenges. We’re pretty much equal on paper, but sexism is present everywhere. Women are taught by society to behave in ways that undermine their careers. We’re supposed to be attractive without being sluts, be assertive without being a bitch, do all the housework, and please men. Men are taught that “real men” don’t cry, have a lot of sex, fight, and don’t look gay - ever.
The state of women today is very confusing. On one hand you have CEOs, successful career women, laws against discrimination and on the other you have domenstic violence, “women’s work”, a persistent pay gap, erroding reproductive rights. What to make of it?
My name is Kelly Seiler. I'm an electrical engineer working in the defense industry. I realized that there was an undercurrent of sexism present at work... no one person or attitude seemed to be the culprit. I've decided to learn more about feminism to help me better combat sexism without damaging my reputation. I consider myself an undercover feminist. I'm a feminist, but I avoid pointing things out directly.
An excellent feminist primer! At 118 pages this one is a quick read, but still jam packed with information. It will change your perspective about what feminism is really about compared to the mass media portrayal.
While not a strictly feminist read, this books has lots of good tips to consider in an office environment.
A Feminist’s Guide to Splitting the Bill
An often perplexing question… who pays the bill. The ultimate breakdown is the leap forth and grab the check before the other person has the chance dance. Potentially including pitfalls such as directing the waiter who to leave the check with, throwing about cash, and no one getting the bill (whoops!).
Men Must Pay, Hypocritical Feminists – One of my pet peeves.
Equality is equality, not just when it is convenient!
It always bugs me when I hear a story about some woman who claims herself to be a feminist, but won’t pay her way at least some of the time. First dates seem to have a special man must pay social aura surrounding them, but if you can’t start trading off or splitting the bill after that what kind of feminist are you?
The Guide
First, a traditionalist’s guide: the man pays.
Second, a hypocritical feminist’s guide: the man pays.
Finally, a feminist’s guide: the asker pays.
If this is confusing don’t feel too bad. Even the gay / lesbian community struggles with this despite years of experience starting relationships on equal footing.
For women who make more money, they may not want to limit themselves to what their partner can afford if they split 50/50. Men may not want to pay when they’re getting dragged to Mamma Mia.
The asker pays policy won’t conflict with the traditionalist’s guide until a traditionalist get asked out, which might freak him out anyway!
Vacations!
For trips and special events the same principle applies. The person who initiates the trip or outing pays. If both are excited about it, then split.
Don’t expect your partner to pay for something they’re not excited about. This is where the spirit of fairness isn’t so fair. They don’t want to go AND they have to pay… thats just adding insult to injury!
Of course if you’re the one getting treated to a vacation it wouldn’t kill you to pay for an evening out somewhere in there, even if it wasn’t your first choice of destination.
Be Flexible!
And always remember to be flexible! You asked, but your date seems to have this burning need to split the bill. Is it really worth a fight? Especially if it is the first date!